Losing one and then some..

Life is tricky. Sometimes it makes you think you have it all under control, then the next minute rocks you in such a way that you feel like the world is out of its place. I have walked this earth for 35 years and yet I have no single clue what i am doing. You would think that by now I should somehow gained a little bit of wisdom from all those rollercoaster of experiences. I have no fucking clue still. Yet i continue coz there’s really not much you can do. Whether you like it or not the morning is gonna start without you. Best be on your way again. Dust off what good or bad transpired yesterday. Live with yourself and the mistakes you made. They say mistakes teach you lessons. Well, what are they? Im not even sure. Universe, you have to be clearer, you know.

Then there’s the complexity of people and the relationships you build with them. What’s the whole point? You’ll end up losing them anyway. All of them. Why waste all our energy on building love, friendship, family…when one day all this would not even be remembered.

I have always been honest with myself. It’s a truth i have learned at a very young age. I dont ever pretend to be happy when im not, not tell myself lies for whatever personal gratification. A difficult childhood taught me to see things the way they are and try to live around it. This self awareness is blessing at the same time a curse. I do also get to read people as easy as i read myself. And because of this i find it difficult to trust when trust is wanting, love when love is wanting, care when it is one way.

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Speedy b

speedy 25 in bandouliere~ or more popularly known as speedy b 25.

I never thought i would love it this much. As in this much.

I wanted to post pics in my social media accounts but i figured it would be a bit tacky. So i guess here nlng coz this is relatively private.

Ive always been drawn to Louis Vuitton. Even as a kid. And now that well medyo naka tigum i finally pulled the trigger.

Contrary to what most say, im pretty organized in this one. Most would say this is like a gaping black hole where you could hardly find your stuff. Surprisingly i have no issues with organization. In fact my things stay exactly where i want them. And fits a lot. Seriously, it’s like a freakin mary poppins kindf of bag.

I love it so much that i am thinking of saving for the travel size. Maybe next year.

For those that are contemplating on which one to get— the classic one or the bandouliere— i would definitely suggest the bandouliere. It changes the whole speedy game. It’s nice that we now have that strap option. I can dress it up for a nice dinner with the hubby using just the handles, like the classic way, then i can shorten it to a shoulder strap when going out with friends, and finally when im going out with andrew i usually wear it as a crossbody bag to make myself hands free. It is definitely the shzuszh of all speedies!

It’s not big enough to hold all my office needs though so i usually use a different bag for workdays. This is more of my casual day bag… so yey to weekends coz i get to use it!

First of many firsts,well in this case, i hope not

Today marks the first day that I saw blood oozing out of my precious little one. With now sturdy teeth, any careless fall could lead to serious cuts.

 I soon as I heard him cry I knew something was wrong. I was chopping pork to baby-sized cuts for a new baby recipe.i washed my hands with soap and water as quickly as I could,although my mother’s instinct was telling me to dash to where he was. True enough, his cry was that of one who is in serious pain…entire faced twitched like a full blown cry but the sound can’t seem to get out of him. When our eyes met, his told mine “mommy, something painful just happened,help me.” I held his gaze and we had that unspoken understanding that only a mother and a child could possibly share. His arms reached out to me and I to him. We hugged each other so tight. I didn’t care about the blood stains on his chin, cheeks and even those dropping on my arm. I knew I had to calm him first before anything else can be done.

When i was younger,i was the panicky type. Well,not hysterical, but you know the type who can’t utter a single word when face with an alarming situation. Today i realized becoming a mom changes you. I was able to push my panic aside and was able to focus on what should be done instead of how i should feel. 

When andrew was smaller i would imagine getting hysterical if i see blood coming out of him, but when the situation actually happened, i was on top of things and i guess i feel proud. I am my son’s hero. I should never ever forget that.

Before i forget

Last night i was having a bad headache. Migraine, or whatever caused it. I asked aj to massage my head for me. Over the years, he has learned how and where to press to make things better. I remembr maybe only one minute of the massage because i immediately drifted to sleep.

The next thing i knew someone hugged me behind my back and kissed my ear. I remember saying “i love you, thank you for the massage”. He just held me tighter and whispered, “i love you bee, thank you for loving me.”

I want to remember that. That it wasnt a dream and it was one of the sincerest moments of our relationship. I was half asleep, he was talking to a sleeping person.

Someday when things get rocky i will have to remember that. 🙂

On Virlix

Ever since I got pregnant last February 2015, my allergic reactions have been a little bit prominent.  That or the fear of dying is more pressing now that Andrew is around.  Every time I eat something that I know will give me the itch, there’s that certain level of anxiety.  I gave up on shrimps altogether.  And I don’t even miss it.  Maybe I didn’t really like shrimp that much before.  The same probably holds true in all the other aspects of life.  You would think you could not live without something (or someone), and then when the time comes that you have to go on with your life without it, you’d realize you’re still okay, and still happy.

Ang sud.an gabii kay monggos ug buwad.  It was the kind of combo you simply cannot say no to.  And a few minutes later I drank my usual allergy pill–virlix.  Virlix gets me so tired for at least two days.  And so here I am, working like a zombie.  I slept through my entire lunchbreak and was not able to do an errand for Tita.

I gave up my sideline this morning.  Somehow I felt heavy for a moment there.  I almost cried.  I’ve worked with FN Naces for as long as I can remember. When Andrew got sick this weekend I knew I had to free up my weekends for him.

Change is coming. Change has come. Not just for the entire country.  I guess each and every one of us experience change on a day to day basis but we just dont acknowledge them.  I for one didnt want to part with that chapter in my life.  But I guess it was weighing me down for far too long already.  If something pulls you down, you should cut the rope that ties you to it.  Life is too short to waste on things that make you unhappy.